Understanding the Unique Pain of Pet Loss

Key Takeaways

• Pet loss grief is unique and often feels deeper due to the unconditional love and dependence shared between pets and their owners.
• Many people minimize or hide their emotions because society undervalues pet loss, making it harder to fully process grief.
• Honoring your pet through rituals, connection, and self-compassion can help transform pain into lasting meaning and healing.

Losing a pet is unlike any other loss we face. The grief that follows can feel confusing, isolating, and even harder to explain to others, especially when society often treats pet loss as something less significant than the death of a human loved one. Yet for many of us, our pets are not just companions—they are family, confidants, and constant sources of unconditional love. When they’re gone, the pain can cut deeply, touching parts of our lives we didn’t realize they shaped. Understanding this unique form of grief is the first step toward healing and honoring the bond that made the relationship so meaningful.

If you’ve ever felt unsure about how to handle the grief of losing a pet, you’re not alone. Keep reading to learn why this pain feels so different, why it’s often dismissed, and how you can begin to honor your loss in a way that truly helps you heal.

Why pet relationships are unique

The first point to consider is how unique your relationship with your pet really is. In general, we receive unconditional companionship from our pets. They simply enjoy our presence, separate from expectations and demands that might show up with other people. This relationship feels pure in a way that truly matters. This is even further intensified by the way that our pets depend on us. When they give us their love so honestly, we return the favor by taking care of their every need. It gives us a chance to express our appreciation for the way they stay by our side.

So when the end arrives, we can feel a much deeper loss of something that we don’t usually get to experience. Our pets find the courage to open up to us and love us for all that we are, and we respond to that courage by loving them right back. We dig deep, finding a type of love that we don’t often get to share with other people. So we lose both the source of their love and the outlet for us to express our own. This is devastating. However, this isn’t the end of the story.

The tendency to dismiss our feelings

We are especially good at minimizing our devastation. We may feel this pain for a bit, but the world around us does not stop for us to grieve (especially for a pet). So we find whatever way we can to bandage ourselves up and keep going. These feelings slip further and further away until we can tell ourselves that they might be gone. We say that there isn’t “much to say.” But we hurt even still. The suffering does not end. We are choosing to bleed under the surface since we have many reasons to keep our hurt inside. Most painfully, these are often very good reasons.

We all know the friend or family member who might say things like “cheer up,” “at least they had a good life,” or even “you should get another one.” Despite the best intentions, these responses often keep us from expressing our hurt feelings. How about the boss who won’t give you the day off, the kids who need you for their own emotional support, and the countless other situations that require you to “be strong”? These are all moments where, if we allowed ourselves to hurt, to cry, or to be devastated, we would be hurt in return. The world does not give us the room to grieve, and we tend to follow its lead. When our emotions get pushed to the side, we begin to believe that they aren’t worth paying attention to. But this could not be further from the truth.

The meaning attached to our pets

Our pets are more than companions. They can even be considered more than family members. Through the love that they share with us and the uniqueness of this relationship, we can attach to them in ways that we would not attach otherwise. Think about what it was like meeting your pet for the first time. Perhaps they were a gift from a significant other. Perhaps they appeared at a pivotal moment in your life. It's even possible that they were inherited after another loved one passed away.

Now think about what it was like growing alongside your pet. Consider your curiosity, uncertainty, warmth, frustrations, and commitment. Think about how you changed and how your pet contributed to this. There are many other questions we could explore, but they all lead to the same point: our pets mean so much more to us than we initially realize. Their presence in our lives often represents meaningful parts of ourselves. And when our pets pass, these parts can feel shattered. Grief is a way for us to look at this hurt and understand its importance. But when we minimize our emotions, we lose our ability to do that. We run from the pain, and in the process, we avoid building a life that honors those we lost.

When Grief Feels Too Heavy to Name: Francis’s Story

Francis and I sat down for our weekly therapy session, when she immediately told me that she had to euthanize her dog over the weekend. After a bit of silence, she finally whispered, “I don’t think there’s much to say.” Neither of us really believed this. But why would she say it? What could motivate her to dismiss such a deep loss in her life?

We found the answers to these questions together. We learned how unconsciously ashamed Francis was of her pain, and we discussed ways for her to open back up to it. Most importantly, we learned that Francis wasn’t alone in these emotions. So many pet owners downplay their grief for very normal reasons, but this keeps us from grieving fully and coming to terms with the loss. Furthermore, these aren’t barriers that typically come up with other forms of death and grief. Here are some insights for you to consider when you find yourself minimizing your emotions, feeling confused by a loss, or becoming numb to the pain of it all.

How to grieve a pet

With all this said, I would encourage you to consider two key points regarding the loss of your pet. The first is that the loss may hurt much more than you realize. You may have had to decide about your pet’s life one day and go into work the very next. It’s possible that you had nobody willing to listen to your pain, and you put it to the side. This is normal, especially with pet loss.

However, the second thing to consider is that you may benefit from finding ways to connect with your pain. These emotions represent the fullness of the grief, the meaning behind your relationship, and, ultimately, how you want to carry forward, holding your pet in your heart. With these points in mind, here are a few practical ways to move through the loss.

1. Acknowledge, allow, and feel your painful feelings. This can be challenging at first, but the practice is worthwhile. Take a few minutes every day to check in with yourself. This can be accomplished with some quick journaling, or it can even be a quiet conversation with yourself while driving. When you encounter a painful emotion, allow it to work its way through you. Experience it, understand it, and know how important it really is before finally letting it pass.
2. Look for others who understand. Connect with other pet owners who know what it’s like to have this kind of relationship. This could also be your own family or the people directly involved in caring for your pet. It can be helpful to work together to process the impact that your pet had on all of your lives. And if you want to understand better how to be a source of support for others, you can find more ideas here.
3. Establish rituals to honor your pet. There are many ways that we choose to memorialize our pets. Some people create very consistent, physical rituals, while others carry on the memory of their pets in stories and conversation. Find a way to keep the memory of your pet with you, even when it might be painful.
4. Seek professional help. Grief does not have to be a solo journey (and often shouldn’t be). Find a therapist who will, at the very least, give you the space to hurt. Furthermore, if the grief intensifies, becomes all-consuming, or lasts much longer than you would expect, a therapist can offer you the resources you need to move through it into a much more manageable grief.
5. Give yourself time. Grief is a journey. You will always find new ways to miss your pet. And many of these will only ever be fully understood by you. So give yourself space to be your own support. Treat yourself the way your pet would have wanted you to be treated.

With these points in mind, you will be much more equipped to deal with the challenges of grieving a pet. This does not mean that it won’t hurt. But it does mean that the hurt doesn’t have to confuse you or keep you stuck. You will find ways to face the pain when it really matters. And by facing this pain, you cherish the relationship with your pet beyond their death, moving further forward into your life.