Companioning a Grieving Pet Parent: What to Say and What to Avoid

The loss of a pet is a deeply personal and often misunderstood grief. Pets are not just companions—they are family, confidants, and sources of unconditional love. When someone close to us loses their beloved animal companion, we may find ourselves at a loss for how to help. Yet our words and actions can significantly impact their healing process.

This guide explores how to provide comfort to a grieving pet parent, with a focus on what to say, what to avoid, and how to support them in meaningful ways.

Understanding the Grief

For many, losing a pet can be as painful as losing a human loved one, or worse. Pets are integrated into our daily lives—they greet us at the door, offer a calming presence during difficult times, and love us unconditionally. When they pass away, their absence leaves a void in routines, homes, and hearts.

Despite the depth of this grief, society often minimizes it. Phrases like “it was just a pet” can make grieving individuals feel isolated and misunderstood. As friends or family members, one of the most important things we can do is acknowledge their pain and validate their emotions.

Grieving pet parents don’t need solutions—they need someone to walk beside them in their pain. This is the essence of companioning, a concept introduced by grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt. Rather than trying to “fix” their grief, companioning means providing a steady presence, listening, and offering empathetic support.

What to Say

Finding the right words can be challenging, but sincerity and compassion matter more than perfection. Here are some supportive phrases:

1. "I’m so sorry for your loss."This simple statement acknowledges their pain and shows that you care.
2. "I know how much [pet’s name] meant to you."Mentioning the pet by name validates their grief and honors the unique bond they shared.
3. "I’m here if you want to talk or share stories about [pet’s name]."Many grieving pet parents want to reminisce about their pet’s quirks, habits, and special moments. Listening with genuine interest can be profoundly comforting.
4. "It’s okay to feel this way. [Pet’s name] was such a special part of your life."Grieving individuals may feel embarrassed or worry that others won’t understand their sadness. Validating their emotions helps them feel supported.
5. "Take all the time you need to grieve."Grief is a deeply personal journey, and everyone processes it differently. Let them know there’s no timeline for healing.

What NOT to Say

Sometimes, well-intentioned words can unintentionally hurt. Avoid these common pitfalls:

1. "It was just a pet."This dismissive statement minimizes the profound connection between humans and animals.
2. "You can always get another one."Pets are not replaceable, and suggesting otherwise can feel dismissive of their unique bond.
3. "At least they lived a long life."Even a long, happy life doesn’t make the loss any less painful in the moment.
4. "I know exactly how you feel."While empathy is important, avoid centering the conversation on your own experiences. Instead, invite them to share how they feel.
5. "It’s time to move on."Grief is not linear, and pressuring someone to move forward before they’re ready can deepen their pain.

Practical Ways to Offer Support

Words are important, but actions can also make a big difference. Here are some thoughtful ways to help:

• Be Present. Sometimes, the greatest gift you can give is your presence. Sit with them, whether in person or virtually, and let them know they’re not alone.
• Help with Day-to-Day Tasks. Grief can be overwhelming, and everyday responsibilities may feel daunting. Offer to run errands, prepare meals, or assist with household chores.
• Create a Memorial. Help your friend or family member honor their pet’s memory. This could be as simple as framing a favorite photo, planting a tree, or creating a personalized keepsake.
• Check In Regularly. Grief doesn’t end after a week or two. Continue to check in, especially on anniversaries or during holidays when their absence may be felt more acutely.
• Respect Their Process. Everyone grieves differently. Some may want to talk endlessly about their pet, while others might retreat into silence. Follow their lead and offer support in the way they need.
• Suggest support groups and options to help facilitate healing. Take part in our Pet Lost Support Group or reach out to a Pet Loss Grief Counselor near you.

The Role of Companioning

Companioning goes beyond offering condolences—it’s about walking beside someone as they navigate their grief. It means listening without judgment, offering presence without pressure, and holding space for their pain.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt describes companioning as a way of honoring the mourner’s journey. It involves:

• Listening with your heart, not just your ears.
• Being comfortable with silence.
• Recognizing that grief is not a problem to be solved but a natural response to loss.

When you companion someone through their grief, you help them feel seen, understood, and supported.

Supporting Long-Term Healing

Grieving pet parents may need time to heal, and their grief might resurface unexpectedly. Be patient and understanding as they navigate this journey. Here are a few additional ways to support their healing over time:

• Share Resources. Recommend books, articles, or websites dedicated to pet loss grief, like Wolfie's Wish, which offers tools and support for pet parents.
• Join Them in Rituals. If they have a special way of remembering their pet—like lighting a candle, visiting a favorite park, or holding a memorial—offer to join them or support from afar.
• Be an Advocate. If others in their life minimize their grief, stand up for them. Help create a supportive environment where they feel safe to express their emotions.

Final Thoughts

Losing a pet is a unique and profound grief, and your support can make a lasting difference. By choosing your words thoughtfully, offering meaningful gestures, and embracing the principles of companioning, you can help your loved one feel less alone during this difficult time.

Remember, it’s not about fixing their pain—it’s about walking beside them and honoring their journey. Your compassion and understanding will leave a lasting impact as they navigate their loss.

For more resources on pet loss and healing, visit Wolfie's Wish.

Written for the Coda Pet community by Erica Messer.